Parents – the first and the main experience for children.

From their parents a child receives the first messages about who they are, how relationships between people work, and how the world works.

That is, at first the child sees through the parents’ eyes; later the messages of other adults, of peers, of the media and so on are added.

On top of that, the child begins to recognise their own sensations, feelings, thoughts…

Can you imagine what a cacophony that is?

Some of it sorts itself out automatically, some of it turns into stable inner conflicts. And the content of the messages is not really all that important.

Two examples.

The parents say: “you have to be active, only lazybones sit at home”.

The child starts going to extracurricular classes, taking part in events, receives a certificate; the parents are pleased, the child is pleased.

But then sometimes the child doesn’t feel like going to those classes, wants to scroll on the phone or simply sleep in on their day off.

But if you have to, you have to – and the best rest is a change of activity.

And there you have an adult with an overloaded schedule, chronic fatigue and anxiety during any pause.

The second example: the parents tell the child about clubs and classes “if you want to, go; if you don’t want to, don’t”.

The child went to a few classes, then got lazy and stopped going.

They start again, but the other children have already learned something in the meantime; the child gets upset and says at home to the parents: “This is all nonsense, I’m not going any more”.

The parents shrug — all the better for them, no need to drive the child anywhere.

And there you have an adult with no hobbies, who finds it hard to organise themselves and attend anything regularly, hard to support themselves when the natural difficulties of learning something new arise.

This person is often bored and sad.

So, whatever family a person grew up in, as the specialists joke, “they will always have something to tell their psychotherapist”.

In the course of therapy an adult can rethink the conclusions and rules acquired in the family and work out what their own ideas about themselves, about other people and about the world actually are. And, even more importantly, what kind of future they want.

Jean-Paul Sartre

Text by: Oleh Li and Svitlana Tsyrempilova