A person without boundaries is a very strange creature.

They can be endlessly obliging, patient, sensitive, overly responsible: helping everyone, putting up with everything…

And at the same time insensitive to other people’s boundaries: such people push in, force their advice or their help on others, are the life of the party with anyone and everyone, even when it is entirely out of place.

Or another version: a quiet, modest person who carries whatever load you put on them, never asks for money, cries a little alone in the evening (at best), and in the morning goes back to helping anyone who decides to make use of them.

In short, a person without boundaries is someone who barely feels themselves at all, or someone who is able to explore their inner world and notice the discomfort of their own dissatisfaction, yet sacrifices themselves for something they consider more valuable.

The first and main reason such traits form is the time spent in the parental family: childhood.

The possible scenarios: the family simply has no concept of personal boundaries:

nobody knocks on doors;

there is no notion of my things / your things, of having to ask before taking something that belongs to another;

and of course insults, emotional and physical violence;

in general, disrespect for another person’s resources — their time, their material means, their emotional involvement — and for their personality as well

And here everything is simple: if there was no experience of respected boundaries in the family, where would it come from later?

Even if such a person ends up in an environment with established norms of mutual respect, there is no guarantee they will apply that experience to themselves; more likely they will consider themselves unworthy of good treatment, and feel awkwardness and mistrust toward that way of living.

How does one live with this?

It is better and happier to live without it)

Better with boundaries: firm and principled in some places, flexible and permeable in others, but present.

For some, a large piece of the work will be acknowledging how much injustice they faced in childhood, expressing the feelings that come with it, and receiving support and respect from close people, a therapist, or group members.

For others it will be growing more sensitive to their own body, their own desires, their own discomfort, finding a comfortable distance in relationships, and discovering or forming values they will want to cherish and defend if it comes to that.

And for others it will be attempts to say «No» and to assert their boundaries in a group or with a therapist, and then with the people closest to them.