Existential loneliness is a deep inner anxiety, accompanied by longing and sadness, that can stay with a person constantly or surface at particular times of life. Let us look more closely at what this state is and how to cope with it.

Types of loneliness: outer and inner

Loneliness can be outer (when a person is physically alone) or inner (when a person feels lonely even among others). Most often outer loneliness is bound up with the inner processes going on inside us.

Why loneliness arises

Not accepting yourself as a person: A person may feel they are “not like everyone else”, may be ashamed of themselves and of their particularities, may fear that others will not accept them into society. This state leads to isolation and loneliness.

Projective critical thinking: This is a negative appraisal of others — for instance, seeing all people as “stupid, bad or uninteresting”. Here loneliness may follow from the fact that a person either takes no interest in themselves or, on the contrary, is far too self-absorbed.

Childhood traumas: An important part in forming the feeling of loneliness is played by early attachment figures — parents or close relatives — who may have rejected, criticised or failed to accept the child. As a result, in adult life the person mistrusts others and tries to avoid any repetition of painful experiences.

Inner loneliness

This is the sense that, even when among people, a person feels alone. It can follow from the frustration of no one being able to fully meet their needs or share their deeper experiences.

Early attachment figures and their role

The deep longing and anxiety bound up with loneliness often originate in childhood. The absence of a stable attachment figure (an emotionally cold mother, for example) can give rise to a constant need to search for a reliable, stable partner who is hard to find in the real world.

How can you cope with loneliness?

Coping on your own with a deep longing for an attachment figure is almost impossible. You need the help of a psychotherapist, who will help you understand and work through these experiences, find ways of building healthier relationships and learn to trust others.

It is important to remember that the feeling of loneliness is a natural part of human existence, and that you can learn to live with it while feeling more confident and inwardly stable.

Talk to someone you trust, or turn to a specialist, so as to walk this path towards a fuller and more harmonious life.