The paradoxical theory of change sounds simple, but it in fact has a depth you do not notice straight away.
Its central idea is that change happens not when we try to become someone else or to alter ourselves, but when we become fully who we already are.
That is, real change comes when a person fully accepts their reality — their present emotions, needs, weaknesses and strength.
Many people think it is enough to “send a wish out into the Universe” and everything will fall into place. It sounds like magic: you simply have to picture what you want and wait for the result.
From the standpoint of the paradoxical theory of change, however, this is an illusion.
Real change begins inside us, through a deeper awareness of ourselves, of our needs and of the context of our lives.
How does it actually work?
The paradoxical theory of change says that everything in us is interconnected.
Our thoughts, feelings, needs and actions form a single whole. When we accept ourselves in the present moment, with all our contradictions and desires, this opens up space for new possibilities.
Becoming aware of what is actually in us, we begin to act more authentically and stop spending energy fighting our own reality. This brings an inner freedom that allows us to change organically, without coercion or violence towards ourselves.
And here an interesting question arises: why does a wish “sent out into the Universe” sometimes really work?
But from the standpoint of the paradoxical theory of change, this is not magic. When a person concentrates on their wish, something more than mere fantasy takes place.
They begin to be more aware of their genuine needs, their focus shifts, and they unconsciously start acting in accordance with their desires, even without noticing it.
The person becomes more open to opportunities and ready for change.
From the standpoint of gestalt therapy, this is not magic but a natural process.
As soon as a person becomes aware of and accepts themselves and their true desires, they rebuild their life around that awareness.
And then the wish becomes reality not through some magical power of the Universe, but through a change in one’s own behaviour, values and decisions.
So when a “wish sent out” works, it is not the result of magic, but of:
A change in self-awareness: the person understands more deeply what they really want, and begins to match it with their actions.
A change in behaviour: without pressure or violence towards themselves, they take steps that correspond to their genuine needs.
A change of focus: the person starts noticing opportunities they used to ignore, and becomes more open to new solutions.
It is not the Universe listening to our wishes.
It is we ourselves who become more sensitive to our own true needs and change ourselves — and that is what makes the wished-for real.