You take up too much space.
You speak too loudly,
you feel too strongly,
you ask too often.
You move the wrong way, you say things at the wrong moment, you look out of place…
In short:
You simply should not be here.
Everyone would be better off without you.
That is what it feels like to be yourself in this world…
Do you know people like this?
Or perhaps you know it from your own experience?
This is not simply shame.
And not simply guilt.
This is the superfluous person syndrome,
and it takes painful root in the experience of the body, of sensation, of one’s history.
🌿 Where does it come from?
From Gestalt therapy we know:
the sense of self is formed in the field — there, where we grew up,
where we were looked at by eyes that either accepted or rejected us,
that turned away, that criticised.
If every time you heard:
“do not get in the way”, “do not make a drama out of it”, “be simpler”, “nobody loves people like that”, “you just look pathetic” —
a conclusion forms inside:
“I am too much. I am not the way I am supposed to be.”
And after that, everything that is “too much” (emotions, desires, needs, the body, strength) contracts.
Only the shell remains. Convenient. Quiet. But “appropriate”.
And inside — shame for existing at all.
📌 How do shame and guilt feed this syndrome?
🔹 Shame says: “I am not the way I am supposed to be”.
🔹 Guilt adds: “And because of that I am harming others”.
Together they create a deep sense
that my “I” is superfluous, unwanted, dangerous for relationships.
And then I try:
▫️ to be more convenient
▫️ to speak less
▫️ to have no conflicts
▫️ not to ask for support
▫️ not to stand out, in case others notice how “not normal” I am
But the more I cut myself back —
the less accepted I feel.
Because no one has ever seen the real me.
But the truth is:
You are not superfluous.
You simply once did not fit into the narrow space of other people’s expectations.
✨ If you recognise yourself in this — come to the lecture “The superfluous person syndrome”.
We will talk about shame, guilt and the way back to the permission to be.
📅 Date: 12 May 2025
📍 Online
💳 Participation fee: 400 UAH