A person usually tries to ease their fear of isolation through interpersonal contact in the following ways:

· they need the presence of others in order to confirm their own existence;

· they long to be absorbed by others who appear to them as more powerful figures, or to reduce their sense of lonely helplessness by absorbing others;

· they try to elevate themselves through others;

· they crave countless sexual encounters – all of it a caricature of real relationships.

In short, a person choking on the anxiety of isolation desperately seeks help through relationships.

They reach out to another not out of desire but out of compulsion, and the relationship that follows is built on survival rather than on growth.

The tragic irony is that those who feel such a desperate need for the comfort and fulfilment of genuine relationships are precisely the least able to build them.

Irvin Yalom

psychiatrist, existential therapist

USA